


Vsco & Juuliet

by ashiewashie55



Category: Romeo And Juliet - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mercutio is GAY, Paris is in this for like 2 whole seconds, Parody, Unrequited Crush, it's about vsco & egirls there is nothing trying to pull at your heartstrings here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25052791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashiewashie55/pseuds/ashiewashie55
Summary: A parody of Romeo & Juliet. It's a bit of a mess but I stan
Relationships: Juliet Capulet/Romeo Montague, Mercutio/Benvolio Montague, Mercutio/Romeo Montague, Nurse/Lady Capulet
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

**Two** subcultures **, both alike in** cringe **,**  
 **In** your local high school **, where we lay our scene,**  
 **From ancient grudge break to** new contents **,**  
 **Where** tea **makes** shade **unclean.**  
 **From forth the** bitter fights **of these two foes**  
 **A pair of star-cross** ed **lovers** break the chains binding them **;**  
 **Whose misadventured piteous overthrows**  
 **Do with their death bury their** subcultures **strife.**  
 **The fearful passage of their** hydroflask-marked **love,**  
 **And the continuance of their** friend’s **rage,**  
 **Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,**  
 **Is** what you’ll be watching for like 2 hours or something **;**  
And if you bitches actually listen **,**  
You’ll see that these little petty feuds are dumb as shit **,** and y’all should stop **.**

SCENE 1: THE HIGH SCHOOL. FULL OF ASSHATS

_Enter SAM AND GREG, FRAT BOYS WITH A CAN OF BULL SPERM, WEARING CHAINS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALSO EBOYS_

_Sam_ : Yo Greg, will you carry my monster?

_Greg:_ Nah, bruh. You’ve got hands.

_Sam:_ But I don’t want a teacher to see, dude.

_Greg:_ Why would they care? It’s our monster.

_Sam:_ Shit, here comes somebody.

_Greg:_ I don’t see anybody, dude.

_Sam:_ It’s one of them.

_Greg:_ If you hide your monster, you’re a pussy.

_Sam:_ But I gotta, they’ll go tell somebody important that I have my juul on school grounds.

_Greg:_ When did this become about your juul?

_Sam:_ Juuls are like women. They need to be protected at all times.

_Greg:_ First of all, nah fam. Women are cool as shit. They got this. Second of all, this isn’t between us. This is a completely separate thing.

_Sam:_ I’ve been practicing punching the wall to prepare when I can finally beat the shit out of them.

_Greg:_ Sam. Stop.

_Sam:_ I can’t. Bro, I’ve been wanting to do this since 9th grade.

_Greg:_ Fine, I’ll come with you, but if you guys start punching, I’m out, fam.

_Sam_ : Bro, here they come.

_Enter KYLE AND JOSH, rival frat bros with hydroflasks filled with bull sperm._

_(SAM bites his lip at the girl behind him, she does not see.)_

_Kyle:_ Bro, did you bite your lip at me? You gay?

_Sam:_ What the fuck, bro! I was biting my lip at that shorty over there.

_Kyle:_ I don’t believe you.

( _Sam starts to lunge forward.)_

_Sam_ : You wanna go, dude? I’ll beat the shit out of you!

_Enter BEN, a fragile vsco boy, scrunchies on his wrist and hydroflask in his hand._

_Ben:_ Guysksk! What are you doing?

_Enter EBONY NIGHT (his name is Tyler, he just wants people to think he’s edgy), an eboy who doesn’t actually really know what an eboy is so he just wears black._

_Tyler:_ Ben, you’re a real weeniepants who doesn’t even juul.

_Ben (badly lying):_ Whaaat? I totally juul. My favorite flavor is pure nicotine.

_Tyler:_ You’re a weeniepants.

_Ben (whining):_ I’m not a weeniepants!

_Tyler:_ Oh yeah? Well, only weeniepants wear scrunchies.

_(They start fighting, SAM, KYLE and JOSH are fighting, GREG is trying to stop SAM, and BEN and TYLER are doing the slappy hands thing)_

_Enter TEACHER and PRINCIPAL. They are the adults in this story, and are also VSCO and JUULIET’s parents. They also hate each other._

_Teacher:_ Boys! What is going on here?!

_Ben:_ Tyler attacked me!

_Teacher:_ Is this true, Tyler?

_Tyler:_ He’s lying.

_Ben:_ He called me a weeniepants!

_Tyler:_ Ok, that part is true.

_Teacher:_ I’ll have a word with you when we get home, Tyler.

_TEACHER didn’t see the massive fight, but PRINCIPAL took care of it. It’s time for some shade._

_Principal:_ While you were worried about your son, I took care of the real problem.

_Teacher:_ My son was being accused of something he didn’t do, that seems like a problem.

_Principal:_ I must get going, I have a meeting with a more likable person.

_All leave except BEN_

_Ben:_ That was a real and I oop moment. Wait, where’s Vsco?

_Enter VSCO, the ultimate vsco boy. Scrunchies? On. T-shirt? Oversized. Pants? What are those? Hydroflasks are the only thing he can drink out of, because he’s just that vsco._

_Vsco:_ Have you saved a turtle today?

_Ben:_ Of course! I only use my metal straw.

_Vsco:_ Did my dad walk past you at any point?

_Ben:_ Yeah, why? Hold on. You seem sad. Did you lose a scrunchie?

_Vsco:_ No, I have them all.

_Ben:_ Then why are you sad?

_Vsco:_ The girl I like doesn’t like me back.

_Ben:_ Ooh, spill the tea sis. Who is it?

_Vsco:_ I’m not going to tell you.

_Ben:_ Why not? I won’t tell anyone, I promise, sksksks.

_Vsco:_ Fine, it’s Rose.

_Ben:_ Rose? The soft girl who says uwu during English class? Wow, and I oop. Wasn’t expecting that at all.

_Vsco:_ And I oop indeed. The only problem is, she’s dating someone. I don’t know who, but she isn’t single.

_The bell rings._

_Ben:_ Well, I have to go save some turtles. Have fun in history.

_Vsco:_ I’ll try. _(Soft music plays as he starts to monologue)_ She’s just too cute, but I can’t have her. That is a massive and I oop. Why couldn’t I have just fallen for another vsco girl, or even a memer? Instead, I had to fall for the one girl I couldn’t have. Why, Vsco, are you such a dumbass? I guess I’ll have to deal with it on my own.

_VSCO exits. End scene._


	2. Act 1, Scene 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party time

After school

Enter TEACHER, EBOY NAMED JARED, AND PETER (the est boy you’ve ever seen ) [he’s not related to them though, he’s just the est boy]

Teacher: Those Montagues are out of control.

Peter: Yeah, they really suck.

Teacher: Well at least Juuliet isn’t dating anyone yet. (Peter looks disappointed. Teacher looks over at him) I know you love her, but she’s just not ready yet. She is mature though. I’ll tell you what, if Juuliet loves you too, you can date her. (Turns to NAMELESS EBOY) Hey, you over there, go tell all the names on this paper that we’re having a party because Juuliet is back from some sort of something

Exit TEACHER and PETER

Eboy Named Jared: Aight, haha. Oh shit, I don’t know how to read. 

Enter BEN and VSCO. BEN is spilling the tea, but VSCO is acting strangely.

Ben: So then I told him ‘You’re killing our turtles,’ since he had a plastic straw. Are you picking up what I’m putting down?

Vsco: Oh, yeah, totally.

Ben: Are you still thinking about Rose? You know that’s not healthy right? Sksksks.

Vsco: I know, but it’s hard not to. She’s just so cute and-

(EBOY NAMED JARED comes running up to them)

Eboy Named Jared: Hey, sorry to bother you but can either of you read?

Vsco: Yeah, if it’s in English sksksks.

Eboy Named Jared: I don’t know what English is.

Vsco: Just hand me the paper. (Reads list of names) Oh, what’s this for?

Eboy Named Jared: It’s a party at the Capulet house. Juuliet is coming back from an arrangement. If you’re not a Montague, you should come and get lit.

Exit EBOY NAMED JARED

Ben: Rose will probably be at this party, which means that maybe you’ll catch her eye and you’ll have a chance.

Vsco: Omg, Ben. She’s not single.

Ben: She might fall in love with you! Cmon, it’ll be fun sksksks.

Vsco: Fine, I’ll go.

Ben: Oh, it’s going to be so much fun!

THEY EXIT. END SCENE.


	3. Act 1, Scene 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juuliet, that's it send tweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw Rebecca is the nurse, I just thought she deserved a name.

Enter TEACHER and REBECCA, A ‘ROOMMATE’ ;).

Teacher: Hey, have you seen Juuliet?

Rebecca: No, but I can go find her. [yells down the hallway] Yo, Juuliet!

Enter JUULIET, the baddest bitch in the land.

Juuliet: What’s good fam?

Rebecca: Your mom needs you.

Juuliet: Oh hey mom, what’s going on?

Teacher: Rebecca, will you go do whatever it is you do when I’m not home? I need to talk to Juuliet in private. You’re 16, right?

Rebecca: I thought she was 14. She’s just so tiny.

Teacher: Oh, Rebecca. You’re so silly and forgetful.

[Sitcom music for effect]

Rebecca: When did she turn 16?

Teacher: A few months ago.

Rebecca: That means she’ll get to find a boyfriend soon. (Smorks at Teacher) Or a girlfriend. You were only 2 years old when I met you... (starts rambling) 

Teacher: Ok, Rebecca, that’s enough.

Rebecca: (still rambling)

Juuliet: Becky, please. Mom never talks to me, so I wanna see what she has to say.

Rebecca: (finally finishes rambling) Oh, I hope you find someone special!

Teacher: Someone special is what i came to talk to you about. How do you feel about marriage?

Juuliet: I don’t really care that much about it. If I want to be with someone, we don’t need to be married to be together.

Rebecca: Really? That sounds a lot like somebody I know (glaring at Teacher)

Teacher: (whisper yelling) I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment.

Rebecca: (also whisper yelling) We’ve been dating for 10 years. The only thing that would be different is a ring.

Teacher: There are girls younger than you who are mothers! And besides, Paris would like to be your boyfriend.

Rebecca: Oh, he’s come by a few times. I’m sure I’d be head over heels for him if I was your age and straight.

Juuliet: Oh, yeah. That guy.

Rebecca: That guy is a very nice person.

Teacher: So will you be his girlfriend?

Rebecca: C’mon, Juuliet. You two would be so good together.

Juuliet: Let me talk to him first, and then I’ll decide.

Enter EBOY NAMED JARED 

Eboy Named Jared: Yo, all the people are here so let’s go get lit.

Juuliet: Bet, dude. Let’s get crunk.

All exit, end scene.


	4. Act 1, Scene 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super sneaky party entrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back, baby! I forgot that I had posted it here until I saw the comments (which are greatly appreciated). Anyways, onto the chapter!
> 
> Oh btw I have up until act 3, scene 2 written but it was written a year ago so it'll be cringe.

Enter BEN, VSCO, and MICHEAL (a gay memer with fake bde)

Vsco: How are we gonna get it to the party?

Ben: Relax, sksksks. It’s a Halloween party. We’re all in costumes.

Vsco: I’ll probably be in the bathroom the whole time.

Micheal: No. You’re going to dance with me and you’re going to like it.

Vsco: I can’t dance that well.

Micheal: Yes, you can. I’ve seen you bust down so much, I think you might be Thotianna.

Vsco: I’m not in the mood to bust down tonight.

Micheal: Oh, yeah, you’re hopefully in love with Rose. I know how that feels. (sighs and quickly looks over at Vsco)

Vsco: Oh, so you’ve had a crush on a girl before. 

Micheal: No. But that doesn’t matter. We’re here to forget our feelings by getting drunk off of mike’s hard lemonade.

Ben: Guysksks! I think we’re almost there!

Micheal: We still have a little bit to go, Ben.

Vsco: I had a weird dream last night.

Micheal: Me too, dude.

Vsco: What was your dream about?

Micheal: It was about how full of shit you are.

Vsco: I promise I had a weird dream.

Micheal: Oh, then were you visited by the dream fairy? She goes into your room at night and puts a dream in your head. It’s 100% true I’ve seen her. She makes girls dream of Tom Holland and boys dream of Zoe Saldana, and she makes me dream about Tom Holland.

Vsco: That’s absolute horse shit.

Micheal: That’s how you sound when you talk about Rose.

Ben: If you guys don’t hurry up, we’re gonna be late!

Vsco: Fine, let’s get going.

End scene.

**Author's Note:**

> That sure was a time, wasn't it?


End file.
